


Chosen (there never was a choice)

by never_bloom_again



Series: Deserving of Love (Hotch/Rossi) [4]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angsty but not really?, Can These Two Men Just Not Have A Healthy Discussion Of Feelings, Choices, Dave's POV, Idiots in Love, Idiots., Insecure David Rossi, Introspection, Lack of Communication, Light Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Beta Read, Requited Unrequited Love, Rossi is a dumbass, Unrequited Love, insecure, self deprecation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:00:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24002473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/never_bloom_again/pseuds/never_bloom_again
Summary: Something has been different. Aaron has been different. Now David has a choice.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/David Rossi
Series: Deserving of Love (Hotch/Rossi) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1723459
Kudos: 40





	Chosen (there never was a choice)

**Author's Note:**

> I feel as though this series can be divided into two halves. Number One. Hotch being insecure but also a logical human being. Number Two. ROSSI YOU IDIOT STOP BEING SELF DEPRECATING FOR FIVE SECONDS AND GROW SOME BALLS. AND A BRAIN.
> 
> Whilst technically you don't need to read the full series, it will make 1000x more sense

They had another case. Of course they did. Rossi was just about murderous at this point - “If this happened once more, the team may well have an extra unsub” was definitely not something he had muttered to himself on numerous occasions. This had been their third case back to back, and he had enough. There was only so much of the, well, weirdness between him and Hotch that he could handle. Because things were that. They were definitely weird.

Since they had gotten back from Philadelphia, it seemed a switch had been flipped. That ever present avoidance that had seemed to have been mutually agreed to by both men disappeared, replaced with an uncomfortable tension caused by forced proximity. Honestly, David wasn’t sure what was worse.

But he had to deal with it, because the other option was talking. Explaining his feelings. He couldn’t do that, despite the guilt he felt. He should be honest, since Aaron appeared to be making an effort to get their friendship back on track, and he owed the younger man the truth for that, but he couldn’t do that to Aaron. Aaron deserved better, and he certainly didn’t deserve the weight of having to pretend not to be bothered, disgusted, that a - an older man, a horrid man, a selfish man - man like David was interested in him. 

If he were to be brutally honest with himself, there was another option. Leave. Turn his back on the BAU, on the team that were still reeling from the loss of Gideon. Turn his back on the friends he has made, the job he loved, the escape from the eternal loneliness, the fog of uselessness that hung over his head every day he sat at home, and grew with every word he wrote, book he signed. He wasn’t ready to give that all up yet. Not even if it was the best option. The one that would minimise pain and suffering in the long run.

So instead, he would try and move on with life as though it was normal. He would live as though he weren’t constantly distracted by the unwavering presence of Aaron Hotchner, who no longer seemed capable of leaving him for any period of time over, well honestly, about 5 seconds. It would be hard, but he could do it. He had no other choice, not one that was actually reasonable, that he had any chance in hell of making. Not one that didn’t scare him, because as much as he wanted to believe otherwise, as much as he wanted to live in some fairytale delusion where he didn’t have Aaron. Because although those years before he returned were in a way easier, he knew he couldn’t go back.

He couldn’t revert back to living a life without the presence of the man he loved so dearly, who even without the unrequited romantic element was still probably the best friend he had. He couldn’t face himself knowing he killed any chance at having someone around who made his life worth living. 

So he would wait it out, wait for the strangeness to leave, until that brand of emotional pain became the norm, until he could convince himself that he had moved on. Then maybe he would be able to deal with all of this shit going on. Hopefully.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you are enjoying this! Please comment or leave kudos to let me know. I really appreciate anyone and everyone reading this.


End file.
